Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
