hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
