Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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