so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
