I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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