he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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