I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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