everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
