there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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