This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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