U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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