I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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