you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to cum in my sink.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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