Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
