i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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