Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
