Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
