and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
