yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
