shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I need to stop coming to work sober
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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