So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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