he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
