I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
