I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
