His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
