I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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