How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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