Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
