guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
