I just googled if crying burns calories
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
