I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
