I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
