I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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