Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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