He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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