There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
