i may or may not be watching the land before time
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
