She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize