If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize