My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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