No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
