You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
