I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
where are my eyebrows?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
