did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
