i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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