Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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