he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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