do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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