Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
