Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
