Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
