Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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