i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
