since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
