it was like his penis was on wheels.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
