i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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