in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
