just tell him i said nine months
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
