That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
