Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
