Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
