We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
