Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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