Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
