it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
