I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
