bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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