it hurts more in the daytime
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
