she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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