Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
