Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
