Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Will you blow on my dice?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
