its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
