Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
