Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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