It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
