He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
