I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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