He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
