Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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